Pain in Divorce

Pain in divorce is something that is obvious and it occurs even in the most mutual of divorce proceedings. This is made especially worse when there are children involved and in comes the custody battles that tend to pale even the divorce wars. For some, a divorce is what is needed to sour them to the rest of humanity for the rest of their lives, while children will grow up into adults with slightly off view of what love and partnership entails.

The biggest driver of pain in divorce is the fairytale ‘happily ever after ending’ that most couples look forward to. When people get married, they dream of waking up fifty years later and still laying next to the same person and still madly in love. But reality sets in as a spouse performs some act of betrayal, the trust is lost and down comes the marriage.

Partners in pain
The fact that the person you used to love has now become and angry and spiteful stranger who wants to take half of your property can cause more than its fair share of pain. Somehow, you can not believe that you used to love this person, or that this person ever loved you at all. The cruelty portrayed by partners to each other can cause a stranger to wonder if these people ever loved each other at all, and if so how they progressed to such a level of hatred and sheer meanness.

In an effort to hurt the other party as much as you feel hurt, couples go to extreme lengths and in some cases may even involve the children in a hideous custody battle that serves no one.
And for the relationship that has not ended on a mutual note, but rather by betrayal of one spouse by another, the drama and pain is twice as much. The wronged spouse feels that justice should be served in one way while the other tries hard to explain the circumstances and get out of this debacle with something.

Children in pain
Children, especially those between the ages of 5 and 18, may find the divorce of their parents very painful. Not only can they not live with both their parents as before, but they sometime begin to blame themselves. The children begin to think that they are the reason for putting the strain on their parents’ marriage and become depressed. To an adult, this logic does not make sense, but the minds of children are very simplistic and they can not understand subtext of ‘I love your father but am not in love with him’. To them this means the same thing and therefore they see no reason for separation, unless of course you are not telling them because it is their fault. Depending on the extent of the drama and the cause of the divorce, children may grow up with an off view on love and marriage. Some may become overly attached and needy individuals while other may become commitment phobics who shy away from any serious relationships.

Love is full of surprises, some nice and some horrible, but one thing is for certain that none of them is permanent. Property and custody battles make pain in divorce inevitable, but one must remember that this too shall pass. Also in situations where children are involved, let them understand that this has nothing to do with them and as parents you both will do your absolute best to ensure that they are well taken care of. Ensuring the proper emotional development of children is every parent’s top priority and however painful the divorce is, you should remember that it is twice as worse for the children. All things pass, this should get you through the darkest times.

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