Wear Rose-Tinted Glasses to Make Your Love Last!
Studies suggest that happy delusions definitely help when you look at your partner in a general way (however be more practical and realistic on the minute details)! If the Cupid really desired to improvise his game with science, he could have shot his arrows first, and then have given away rose-tinted glasses with specific instructions:
• To be worn every time when analyzing your partner’s body or personality and overall relationship.
• For desired results, keep using the pair of glasses even after saying “I do.”
• Remove the glasses carefully at your own risk.
Psychologists are aware of the fact that new love and affection can be completely blind and recent lovers can be delusional. Studies have revealed that newlyweds tend to exaggerate their spouse’s good qualities. Also, they tend to rate their relationship with a superior touch and even forget their bad qualities. However, new research suggests tantalizingly that this myopic view is good and healthy! It drives your single friends mad.
Delusion in Love – Is it Good?
It is a fact that a few happy delusions are actually better for the longevity of a relationship rather than sticking to an accurate and sober view of your love. Do you think it holds true? In reality, common sense would actually warn that the opposite was quite true – the higher one climbs, the harder he or she falls after the sweet beginning wears off.
Wouldn’t the smugly optimistic, starry-eyed people be the most crushed and dejected when they finally wake up from their daydreams and realize the fact that their “knight in shining armor” is actually a fatso on a pony, their Cinderella is really chambermaid?
It is contrary to the real evidence! It turns out that blinder is mostly better. According to Garth Fletcher, who is a psychology professor at Victoria University of Wellington, New Zealand, happiness and positive biases tend to push each other along. Researchers have observed this “positive illusions” effect again and again – with men and women, young and old, straight and gay couple, at the beginning of any relationship and even decades along. The “positive illusion” is there whether you are asking someone to evaluate your partner’s humor or kindness or even his/her gorgeous appearance.
This phenomenon can’t be explained by lucky and blessed people having spouses who are actually sexier, smarter or sweeter than everyone else. Scientists calibrate that in their studies. What appears to be an important factor is seeing and considering one’s spouse and relationship as better than what the evidence stands for.
According to Fletcher, viewing your partner as the best thing which happened to you is an aspect of falling in love. However, he adds that when one has made the decision to commit and devote completely, then the “positive illusion” effect swings into action. One has to be gung-ho, when the battle begins. Otherwise, it can prove to be fatal.
Head Over Heels in Love – The Study!
A recent study published in the journal, Psychological Science, reveals how rose-tinted views really affect a relationship over a time period. Scientists followed around 222 newlyweds for 3 years – science has shown that time is enough for the marital disputes to set in. Each participant in the study started on a happy note and gradually their satisfaction declined – one group was exception!
According to Sandra Murray, study lead author and psychology professor at the State University of New York, Buffalo, participants who were most idealistic about their spouse in the initial stage showed no decline at all in satisfaction even after 3 years of marriage. She says that the effect was even contagious: if one partner was idealistic about his or her partner, then no matter what the partner’s beliefs are, he or she ended up happier too!
Murray adds that the mechanisms are yet not completely clear. One might perhaps think that his or her partner is the absolute and complete sizzle which makes him or her more likely to be devoted and committed. Also, it makes him or her more constructive and practical when dealing with his or her partner.
But, this can be even be the other way around! The study found that being idealized by one’s partner might change the way he or she perceives and feels about him or herself. In this way, the positive illusion effect might act as a self-satisfying prophecy: “We unconsciously tend to live up to what our partner’s think of us.”
Delusional Love – Rules of the Thumb!
Relationship scientists are now refining this story. However, they have discovered a few rules of thumb – apart from a few warnings!
• Positive illusions should never be equal to the demeanor of turning deaf and singing, “Hallelujah, I don’t hear you.” Remember that sunny optimism can be effective and great as long as you and your spouse communicate well, have mild problems only and are committed and devoted to each other.
• In order to harbor positive illusions in your relationship, you don’t have to lose your grasp on reality. To be honest, you should never let go of your grasp on reality. Seeing your spouse’s relative weaknesses and strengths is very crucial as seeing him or her with loving eyes. Remember that people who are in relationships want both to be understood and to be loved for who they really are. One has to be honest and fair!
• Wear your rose-tinted glasses when looking at the big picture – but always remember to take them off while looking at the minute details. We can follow a positive big-picture illusion which is good to hold: “No matter what, we will ultimately have a good marriage.” According to Lisa Neff, who is an assistant professor of family sciences and human development at the University of Texas, the distinction between specific and global matters a lot.
If you have a realistic approach towards your partner’s specific traits as well as expectations for the relationship or marriage, you will be surely better at maintaining a loving relationship, providing support and solving any conflicts and tussles.
Possess an overall positive glow, think and believe that things will work out the best and that your partner is honestly a good person – this positive glow is going to remind you every time why you are in the relationship in the first place – during hard times and in sweet moments! So, go ahead and fall in love with your partner again! Wear the rose-tinted glasses to make your love last for eternity!