How to Deal With Rejection By Parents?

Rejection as it is is difficult to take from anyone, but rejection by parents is especially painful resulting into all kinds of emotional under-development by the victims. It takes such a toll on the person that one who has been or was rejected by their parent is likely to have some behavioral quirk that is not right and very little can be done to repair the emotional damage done to these people.

Rejection by parents is painful mostly because by virtue of the fact that these people gave birth to you, they should love you no matter what. But when they are repelled by you for whatever reason be it sexual orientation, choice of spouse or career, to religious intolerance or just simply right from birth, this is something the human mind can not accept. In our minds, even if the rest of the world was to reject us, we could still be able to go home because our parents will always love us. And this is true for the most part. So when you are the unlucky one rejected by your parents instead, then the pain can be unbearable.

There are a few ways you can try and deal with rejection. Some are to try and repair while others are to help you move forward if the repair is not possible. For those who have to suffer the unfortunate pain of parental rejection, here are some tips on how to deal with it.

Like any other form of rejection, you will try to first find out the cause of the rejection so you can try and rectify what is wrong. However, given the nature of this rejection, the reasons may require you to compromise who you are if you were to come up with a solution. You will therefore quickly find that nothing much can be done by you. This is especially true for children who are hated right from birth. For example, those whose mothers died at their birth and their fathers can not stand them, short of resurrecting your mom there is nothing you can do.

This brings us to the acceptance bit. Accept that your parent/s may never like you especially if the reason for hating you is unrecognizable. You may also be surprised that your parent/s hate you for a reason that has nothing to do with you. Failure for your parents to accept you for what you are is not your fault, that is their own closed mindedness and you can not change that, you can try but do not have much hope. Knowing that there is little you can do about this will save you the wasted effort of chasing after people who do not deserve your love.

Point of View
It also helps if you try to look at the situation from their point of view. It is amazing what perception can do. For example, if you come from a conservative Catholic family and you decide that you are gay, it may be possible that your parents will want to disown you. Seeing it from their perspective will give you a view of what it is they are feeling and if you give them time they may eventually accept you again. However, this only works for those whose reason is clear. If you can never remember your parents thinking good about you right from when you were little, this is a futile attempt.

Strength Within
While it may be difficult at first, try to use your pain and anger in a productive way and avoid doing something drastic. Remember that this only hurts you and no one else apart from those that already love you and these believe me are not your parent/s. The best thing you can do to get back at them is to live a good and prosperous life, to show them that regardless of their rejection you can succeed and you never let anyone define who you are. Be your own person, and let the strength come form within and not from the outside and especially not your toxic parent/s.

Letting Go
And finally, know that at some point if your parent/s is not willing to accept you, you have to say goodbye. If as a young child your parents made it clear that they did not love you, do not wait around even when you grow older. As soon as you are able to fend for yourself, find somewhere else to go. Life is love and let no one tell you otherwise. If you can not get it from them, then find people who will give it to you. Simply because your parents can’t accept an imperfect child does not mean the rest of the world will too. Find yourself a new family; it can be other relatives or even just friends.

Personally, I consider rejection by parents to be one of the most painful evils that a human being can bestow on another. If you are intending to have children, know that they are a whole different person and not an extension of you. You can not live through them. Therefore, you should live your life to the fullest and be what you want to be now instead of forcing your dreams onto your children and then hating them when they fail to live up to your standards.

Another thing intending parents should remember is that, when having children you should prepare for the worst, your wife could die during the birth, or your child could be crippled, or have a brain disorder, of any other inability. When you decided to get pregnant you were ready for all this and more and prepare to love your child no matter what it looks like. Parents, since the beginning of time, have always been the epitome of love; do not destroy the human race with your selfishness.

4 responses to How to Deal With Rejection By Parents?

  1. Thank you.

  2. i dont get why my parents hate me i have done everythingg

  3. I was kidnapped and sexually assaulted when I was 12. My mother blamed me because I got in the truck with the man. He manipulated me to make me get in the truck with him. He said he just wanted to give me a ride home. I believed him. The point is that my Mother rejected me from that time on. She finally, after 35 yrs apologized for which I am very grateful. It doesn’t take away the emotional damage already done. I have several mental illnesses. However, I am willing to forgive her and understand she had issues going on and like me was not taught coping skills. So she turned to anger and blame. Dysfunctional but she knows it now and has grown quite a bit regarding her own issues. I have too and only time will heal the wounds as long as I continue to work and trust in God to give me strength.

  4. Gizelle, you wrote “…if you come from a conservative Catholic family and you decide that you are gay, it may be possible that your parents will want to disown you.”

    I am not trying to be offensive here, however you should know that one does not “decide they are gay.” Either one is gay, or one is not; it is not a choice.

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