Extra Marital Affair: Good, Bad or Ugly?
A book authored by Mira Kirshenbaum, an American psychotherapist who has been involved in marriage counseling for nearly 30 years now gives the “go” word for cheating your spouse in a troubled marriage. As per her observations, the writer cum psychotherapist believes that an “extra marital affair” works as an “SOS – Save Our Ship” call for couples who are unhappy and are in a way struggling to keep their relationship alive. Hence, affirming that an affair can help save a troubled union.
Stirring the American populace with the much unappreciated options that couples can and do take, Mira has both given a hope to renewed marriage and at the same time has raised the eyebrows of many.
So How Does Mira Justify Infidelity?
In her latest endeavor which is called “When Good People Have Affairs,” Mira explains how society looks at adulterers or infidelity with scorn and incomprehension. She goes onto write that people who get involved in extra marital affairs are actually well-intentioned or good people who have simply made the mistake of being together in a more confused and dangerous relationship.
Mira also opines that “owning up” to your affairs or cheating can make you land up in a bigger soup where you don’t hurt your spouse but also suffer from a sense of regret and heartache yourself.
The author further claims that a “right affair” can certainly have a positive outcome. To make it simpler, the author suggests that you see it as practically as your marriage being hit by a cardiac arrest and an “affair” being an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator to save the marriage from sudden cardiac arrests or failure.
What is NOT the “right affair”?
Mira gives a few important pointers for those who think that their marriage is on the brink of death. She says that one should stay with his or her spouse in a marriage when the extra marital affair happens either by a tryst of destiny or fate, which means that it is accidental (that is related to a phase where you see yourself going through a mid-life crisis) and/or when it is an attempt to get back at your partner with vengeance.
Arch rivals of Mira’s theory include Professor Leila Collins, from the Middlesex University who is also a counselor and psychologist. She says that a defibrillator is given when the heart has stopped beating and when the person reaches the point of death. Following from there she explains that if a relationship is dead, then it is better to terminate it rather than look for options to survive it through ways of an extra marital affair.
Collins further adds that infidelity or cheating is rare. She says that the option to flirt or have affairs with another is often affected by the unconscious and guaranteed damage it can inflict on the innocent children, family and friends circles.
Mira Kirshenbaum’s book has invited a lot of disappointment for those who believe that adulterous partners cannot be stomached at any cost given the circumstances that are to follow as a result of the affair – eternal compulsion to shed the guilt, trying to come in terms with the heartaches and chaos caused in the family and most importantly, the long-term damages caused to the kids.
The author reveals some interesting statistics that can be much alarming for married couples themselves. She claims that on an average about 47 percent married men get either sexually or emotionally involved with someone else while about 35 percent of married women do the same.
Don’t you think a great deal of married people have already decided to cheat on their partners for good? Well, how effective their deceiving can prove to be really depends on what an individual wants from an existing marriage and what he or she is looking for? In the meantime let’s share a toast to the relationships we build and want to savor for life!